Rock Fist

Hey Matt,

This is really interesting. I love "down and up" and I think "forever£ works really well. I'd move "middle" on to the second line and give;
"I know this is who I’m going to be
Forever"

a stanza of its own, but that's just a personal taste thing.

I felt like there could be more...maybe try describing the scene more or shift the focus to the speaker's head or feet or something. I don't know if it would work but I think it's worth the experimentation.

Hope this helps.

Jas

Mattoo! I decided to give you a reviewoo!

First of all, I really like how you molded the theme, or the subject, into the poem. It's a perfect example of how you won't need to do a lot to have a lot. =D I liked the last half of the poem better, though -- the description with the fingers seems a bit forced at the moment, and too telling.

I also liked how you went with "down and up" instead of "up and down", haha. Nothing like breaking the routines! I found "hand separating at the middle" a bit... odd, but I don't know. Maybe it's just me.

The ending I thought was a bit abrupt, although I do like the image itself. The wording could just be a bit smoother.

Still, I rather like this poem. I think it's both expressive and effective, and the importance of the subject to you clearly shows. Sorry for not coming up with any wiser words; I'm a bit tired at the moment.

Hope this helpoo!


Demoo

Hey there Sam,

I liked this poem quite a lot actually, which - I'm sorry to say - surprised me a little because I was a little bit thrown at the beginning. You make it really explicit and tell every step like it is, which in a way creates an individualism to it, but personally I found it a little methodological. However, once past the 3rd line I really started to enjoy it. Especially the simplicity of actions! It kind of makes the character behind the poem seem powerful, in a way it even makes the reader (me) admire who I am. It's a feel good poem I think and I get this from the ending line:

I know this is who I’m going to be
Forever.